Day Five - Sense Of Humour

 On the fifth day of gratitude - I am grateful for a sense of humour.

I used to have a good sense of humour. I laughed a lot. But my vestibular disorder changed all that.

I stopped laughing altogether when I first became ill. It's hard to laugh when you feel sick all the time. Sometimes it's hard to even smile.  For me, the year 2019 could be renamed 'The year I stopped laughing'. But what I didn't realize, was that I was also stopping my family from laughing too. I was miserable and I was making everyone around me miserable too. "If mama ain't happy, then..."

One night my husband and son were sharing a joke during dinner. It was actually pretty funny and I could tell they both wanted to laugh, but were scared of how I'd respond. I was feeling really ill, so I was having none of it. I shot them both a glance to let them know there would be no laughter at the dinner table today, when my son looked at me and quite rightly said... "Mom, I know you're not happy, but does that mean that we can never laugh again...?"

That hit me. Hard. I looked at them both trying to stop themselves from laughing, and then I started to laugh too. I mean really laugh. Just couldn't stop myself.  After all it was funny.

That's how I got my sense of humour back. I laughed at something funny.

Now, how funny I will find something, very much depends on how bad my symptoms are that day. Nothing is funny, when you're spinning or nauseous. But I do like to laugh - because life can be funny. And people can be funny. And situations can be funny. And jokes can be funny. And my vestibular disorder doesn't change that.

But mostly I like to laugh, because sometimes laughter is the best medicine.

So I am grateful to have my sense of humour - back!

 

Do you have any vestibular funnies you wish to share? Please share in the comments!

Day Four - Good Neighbours

 On the fourth day of gratitude, I am grateful for my neighbours.

My mom gave me a bit of advice when I first moved into my home in Richmond Hill, 14 years ago...

"Make every effort to stay on good terms with your neighbours, they're the ones closest to you when things go wrong..."

That's is so true.

My parents may only be a phone call away, but physically they are on another continent. And to get to them it takes 7 hours by plane, plus another 2 hours by car.

My best friend Anna Marie, moved to British Columbia on Dec 1st of this year.

And my closest friends are about 20 minutes away.

But my neighbours, well...

Rob and Miranda

Although they haven't lived on the street for too long,  I feel as though I've known them both forever. Miranda is so much fun. Bright, energetic with an enthusiasm for life, she's very generous and giving. We talk about everything and have long conversations over the fence. Rob is a big guy with an even bigger heart. He would give you the shirt off his back and will help you with anything. He's shovelled my driveway many times and it's altogether quite possible that he's mowed my lawn more times than I have.  I feel safe having Rob next door. He's totally fearless and definately the neighbour you run to in an apocalypse.

 And their BBQ chicken is the best chicken anywhere. Served hot from their backdoor to my front door!

 Their girls Abbi and Cassie have brought some much needed fun to our neighbourhood. They are adventurous and creative and have kept us all entertained, amused (and well fed) during the pandemic. 

Alan and Debbie

When a windstorm tore a hole into our roof two years ago, all the roofing contractors were fully booked for the entire week. I just happened to mention to Alan the extent of the damage and within about 5 minutes he showed up on my doorstep with his son Justin , some long ladders and his tools. It took the two of them a couple of hours to fix my roof and they probably saved me a couple of thousand dollars. Plus a whole lot of stress. The roof is still intact to this day.

Also, without a second thought, Alan got into his famous inflatable T-Rex suit and helped me raise awareness about vestibular disorders during VeDA's  Balance Awareness Week. Who does that? My neighbour does that!

Ken and Terri

Ken and Terri are THE hosts of THE best parties not just on our street, but in the whole neighbourhood. They are warm, generous and incredibly funny. They are also a whole lot of fun to be around. Their annual pool party is the highlight of the summer which features Ken's incredible band rocking well into the night. And on New Year's Eve - who needs Times Square? The best party is just few doors down on my own street. Good times!

Ken and Terri also just happen to be the owners of a giant pink flamingo inflatable, which they were kind enough to let me use for Balance Awareness Week on one of the hottest days of the summer. You know you've got cool neighbours if they own a giant pink flamingo!

Mark and Carolyn 

Mark is the probably the best handyman I've ever met. He'll generous with his help and advice and can pretty much build and repair anything. His attention to detail is reflected throughout their beautiful home - which, by the way, looks like it could be on a page in Better Homes and Gardens.

 And Carolyn...well she's more than just a neighbour, over the years, she's also become a very good friend. She's not only talked me down a few times when my boys are driving me crazy but she's also cheered me up.  She'll drop what she's doing and be over in a heartbeat to lend a hand. But what I love the most about her, is her positivity. She has a great outlook. Seeing life the way she does has helped me feel a lot more positive in terms of my own life this year. I just love her. 

....they are the ones closest to you, when things go wrong..."

These are my neighbours. The closest people to me in an emergency - vestibular or otherwise. These are the people who can get there before 911 does. 

I consider myself very fortunate to have these people around me. I don't only have good neighbours, I have great neighbours.

 And I am grateful.

Day Three - Technology

 On the third day of gratitude, I am grateful for technology.

I was born in 1966, but thank goodness I didn't have to live with this disorder in 1966. Or 1980. Or even 1990 for that matter. 

Can you imagine having to live with a vestibular disorder :-

without Google?

without VeDA?

without smartphones?

without health apps?

without YouTube?

without podcasts?

without online medical journals?

without alternative medication?

without virtual vestibular therapy?

without social media?

without online support groups?

without GPS - to make driving less stressful?

Can you imagine how hard that would be? Nor can I. Nor would I want to.

Technology has made this great big world a little bit smaller. Technolgy has brought us closer together, so that we don't have to feel so isolated and alone in this.

Living with a vestibular disorder is hard. But having technology makes the hard a little bit easier.

And I am abundantly grateful.

Day Two - Music

 12 DAYS OF GRATITUDE

On this second day of gratitude, I’m grateful for music.

I think ABBA said it best....

“Thank you for the music, the songs I’m singing.

Thanks for all the joy they're bringing.

Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty?

What would life be? 

Without a song, or a dance what are we? 

So I sing, thank you for the music - for giving it to me...”

I’ve always loved music, but I think truly appreciate it a little more since having this disorder. 

Music has the ability to uplift me when I’m feeling down, and classical music can certainly help me to calm down when I'm stressed and anxious. 

Music can both energize me and get me up off the couch, or help me relax and drift off to sleep. 

And music, quite often a hymn, has got me through some of my toughest days, when I didn’t even want my family around.

 

I can be transported to another time or place, by listening to the music I enjoyed in my childhood, or I can try stay current and listen to what my sons are listening to (actually I'd rather not)!

So whether I’m trying to do the high soprano parts in Handel’s Messiah, or pretending to be the sixth Spice Girl (Old Spice?) I'm truly grateful to have music.

And now, thanks to Spotify and Google Assistant...I can have access to music just by the sound of my voice.

Hey Google...Christmas playlist!

Do you have a song that has helped you on your bad days?

Day One - Creativity

On this first day of gratitude, I am grateful for creativity.

For the ability to use my imagination, ideas and thoughts and turn them into something unique and original.

To create with words. To weave and fashion them into something tangible. Something meaningful. Something inspirational. 

 Poetry.

It has been this form of self expression that has most helped shape my thinking. It's helped me to adapt to life with a chronic illness and somehow come to terms with it. Writing has helped to heal my emotions and has given me a purpose. It has been a welcome distraction on some of my bad days.

Writing has also given me confidence. So much so, that one day I decided to start a blog and share my poetry publically.

Now, some of my writing has echoed faintly in the healing journey of other people like me. It has made an impact in the life of someone else. That is profound to me.

Creativity has allowed me to turn my pain into something positive. And for that, I am abundantly grateful.

My first poem.

A backwards poem - reflecting 2 sides of my journey.

I would love to hear what you are grateful for in your chronic illness journey. Come back tomorrow for Day 2.

The 12 Days Of Balance

12 Days without vestibular symptoms. What would that look like?

Ask anyone with a vestibular disorder what they would most want for Christmas, and I'm quite sure the answer would be a resounding - 'RECOVERY'!!!

Oh, just to be symptom free for a few days would be the best possible gift.

Sadly for many of us full recovery isn't a possibility. But we can at least hope for some of the debilitating symptoms to ease for a while, so that we can enjoy the holiday season with our families.

I took tune of the Christmas song "The 12 Days Of Christmas" and, using some of the most common symptoms with this disorder, I made a vestibular version. 

Maybe you have these symptoms, or maybe some of yours are different, but you get the idea.

 Sing along with me...

  

*short version - there are a lot of verses*

THE 12 DAYS OF BALANCE

(The 12 Days Of Christmas - Vestibular Version)

On the 1st day of balance, recovery gave to me:-

A day fully symptom free.

On the 2nd day of balance,recovery gave to me:-

Two steady legs, and 

A day fully symptom free. 

On the 3rd day of balance recovery gave to me:-

Less brain fog,

Two steady legs, and

A day fully symptom free.

On the 4th day of balance recovery gave to me:-

More energy, 

Less brain fog,

Two steady legs, and 

A day fully symptom free.

On the 5th day of balance, recovery gave to me:-

NO MORE SPINS...

More energy, 

Less brain fog,

Two steady legs, and

A day fully symptom free.

On the 6th day of balance recovery gave to me:-

Zero drunken swaying,

NO MORE SPINS...

More energy, 

Less brain fog,

Two steady legs, and 

A day fully symptom free. 

On the 7th Day of balance,recovery gave to me:-

Floaty feeling finished, 

Zero drunken swaying, 

NO MORE SPINS

More energy, 

Less brain fog,

Two steady legs, and 

A day fully symptom free. 

On the 8th day of balance, recovery gave to me:-

Non existent nausea, 

Floaty feeling finished, 

Zero drunken swaying, 

NO MORE SPINS...

More energy,

Less brain fog,

Two steady legs, and 

A day fully symptom free. 

On the 9th day of balance,recovery gave to me:-

No ‘ice-pick’ migraines, 

Non existent nausea, 

Floaty feeling finished,

Zero drunken swaying,

NO MORE SPINS...

More energy, 

Less brain fog, 

Two steady legs, and 

A day fully symptom free. 

On the 10th day of balance, recovery gave to me:-

Never needing Epley, 

No ‘ice-pick’ migraines, 

Non existent nausea.

Floaty feeling finished,

Zero drunken swaying,

NO MORE SPINS...

More energy, 

Less brain fog, 

Two steady legs, and 

A day fully symptom free. 

On the 11th day of balance, recovery gave to me:-

Dizziness departing

Never needing Epley 

No ‘ice-pick’ migraines,

Non existent nausea,

Floaty feeling finished,

Zero drunken swaying,

NO MORE SPINS...

More energy, 

Less brain fog, 

Two steady legs, and 

A day fully symptom free. 

On the 12th day of balance, recovery gave to me:-

No tinnitus humming,

Dizziness departing,

Never needing Epley,

No ‘ice-pick’ migraines,

Non existent nausea,

Floaty feeling finished,

Zero drunken swaying,

NO MORE SPINS...

More energy, 

Less brain fog, 

Two steady legs, and 

A day fully symptom free

Wishing you all a symptom free (or at least freedom from some of your symptoms) holiday season.

You can read more of my poetry and inspirational writing on my Facebook page The Dizziness Diaries

 For more information on vestibular disorders please go to VeDA

 

Running On Empty

 I'm tired. Really tired.

Actually not just tired - more like exhausted.

No, strike that. I'm drained.

Seriously drained.

These days I seem to drain faster than a collander drains vegetables. Faster than my sons university fees drain my bank account. Faster than the battery in my (now ancient) iPhone 8.

Now you're probably thinking that I'm one of those low energy/low motivation, sedentary type of people, but that couldn't be further from the truth. 

Fit in my 50's

This was me - quite recently too. This picture was taken in the fall of 2017.

At age 51, I was the fittest I'd ever been in my entire life. I had a successful running season and had just run my fastest marathon. I used to wake up at 4 o'clock (the early one) and run 6 miles before going to the gym. Then I would go to the gym and work out for an hour and a half before going to work. Then I would go to my full time job in a Kindergarten classroom and work with 30 children, under the age of five. I'll say that again slowly - Thirty. Children. U.N.D.E.R. Five. Years. Of. Age.  

After work on some evenings, I would go for a second run, if it was peak week of marathon training. Other evenings I would go to a  Zumba class. Energy? I had it, and lots to spare. I even made the Energizer Bunny look like a sloth.

But that was then. 

Then came a back injury, followed six months later by a vestibular disorder.

Today, I hardly recognize the woman in the picture above. And I certainly don't remember ever feeling like I did then. I just don't remember what it feels like to have a fully charged battery anymore. I wake up at about 50% and then use the remainder by about lunchtime.

This has perhaps been the hardest thing to come to terms with. The constant fatigue and lack of energy. I seem to go to bed tired and wake up just as tired, if not more so. And it's not due to a poor diet or lack of supplements either. I even tried a Red Bull the other day, and all that did was make me more dizzy. I think  the real truth is - I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Chronic illness is exhausting. I don't think it's just a physical thing, this condition is emotionally draining. The symptoms are tiring, but it's equally tiring knowing that I won't ever get better.

 So I've just renewed my gym membership in the hopes that the physical activity will be energizing in some way.

Now please don't think that I'm being a Debbie Downer. That's not me. Quite the contrary. I'm normally a pretty positive person by nature. I can spread positivity around like a five year old spreads glitter on a homemade Christmas card. Except my glue stick has dried up and I'm all out of glitter! So there you go. Today tiredness wins.

However, as tired as I may feel, I do like to end each post on a positive note, so perhaps I'll just leave it at this...

I'll try again tomorrow.