Back To Square One (or something like it).

Here we go again. Back to square one. Again. Back to where I never wanted to be. Again.

“Welcome back Dr. Spall. We do hope you enjoy your stay. And please let us know us know if there is anything we can do to make your time here more comfortable...”This is the kind of welcome my husband receives when he goes to his hotel in Cypress, California once a month. He has stayed at the same hotel, five days out of every month for the last 20 years. He's a valued customer with status. A Titanium Elite membership is what they call it. And they treat him well. Very well. He actually looks forward to going back.

The same cannot be said about going back and repeating something painful. Or something
debilitating. Or both.

This was me in the Fall of 2017. Enjoying my fifties and in the best physical shape I had ever been in. I’d also finally got a place in the London Marathon after trying for 10 years. I was truly living my best life. But just one week later all that changed when I went to pick up my gym bag one morning and felt a sharp twinge. "It's probably nothing" I thought to myself and continued on to the gym as per usual. After all, I was training for a marathon!
At work the pain gradually got worse and worse. I could hardly concentrate. By 3.30pm that afternoon, I had to ask if I could leave a little earlier to go to the walk in clinic. I got into my car and sat down. It was then that I felt a pop and this
unbelievable burning sensation that radiated throughout my whole body. It was excruciating. I could barely drive. Five minutes later I  arrived at the clinic, but couldn't get out of my car. I almost passed out with the intensity of the pain. I screamed for help...it was that bad. My screams alerted a man who came over and assisted me inside.
I had, it turned out, ruptured a disc in my back. A herniated disc. People have asked me to describe the pain of that type of injury and I would always say "it would have been easier to birth my children through my nostrils'. What followed was nine weeks of painful rehabilitation. One I never hoped to repeat.

Fast forward to June 25th, 2018. The last week of the school year. I was looking forward to the two month summer break. The last few months had been just awful. So very painful and my nine week absence from work had created some tension between my teaching partner and myself. I was looking forward to a fresh start with the school year in September.  I went out for dinner with friends that night and we had a great time. I went to bed, turned over in my sleep and....VERTIGO! Anyone with chronic dizziness can more or less write the rest of this story. The rehabilitation for the vertigo has been so much longer. And in some ways much  more painful. Twenty one months and counting...

Two Fridays ago we had a very heavy snowfall. My husband and boys were not at home and I'd been feeling quite well, so I decided to clear the driveway.


Well that was a BIG mistake. Saturday morning I felt a twinge in my back. By Saturday afternoon I was flat on my back, in bed with a  herniated disc. It seems that I aggravated my old injury.
Oh and I think I mentioned the level of pain, right? Well just try to imagine that pain with a compromised vestibular system and not being able to move. At all! What. Fresh. Hell. Is. This?

So it would appear that it's back to square one.Maybe even further. Because this time I have the painful rehab of a back injury on top of a vestibular setback. Dizziness is through the roof right now. How lucky am I?

Still, I choose to be thankful. I have had a few friends who have visited with food for my family and some lovely flowers. Thank you Anna Marie, Taina and Weny.

Thank you Taina, for bringing the beauty of the outdoors, indoors.

Thank you Weny, dinner for two...in bed!

 Recovery is almost like a game of snakes and ladders. You get so far and you're doing so well and think you've almost made it, and then bang, you land on one of those stupid snakes. That's why it was a game I never really enjoyed playing. I've landed on the big fat snake. The one that takes you almost back to the very beginning. It's going to take some time to get back to where I was, but I'm confident I will get there. Slowly. Painfully. Eventually. But I sure could use one of those big ladders right about now.

I think re-injuring my back has bought me a life time membership of  the 'Snow Removal Exemption Club'. I will never pick up a snow shovel again. I never want to experience this level of pain again. Especially with vertigo.  My husband and sons had better take notice.


 And so I lie here, flat on my back and dizzy beyond belief. But I'm not feeling sorry for myself because there are still things I can do.  I can read,  I can write this blog post  and play a few levels of a game I actually do enjoy playing. Candy Crush. I'm killing it.

And to my husband, Roger. There are not enough words to thank you. I could not have survived this past week without you. Scrabble at 8pm ok?