My 'Extra Mile' Friend

I used to believe  this quote wholeheartedly - that friendships would fall into one of the above three categories. But chronic illness changed all that. Some of the friends who I thought would be there for a lifetime, turned out instead to be there for a reason or a season. And vice versa.

One of the recurring themes within the chronic illness community is the sadness that comes from the loss of a friendship. A vestibular disorder can put a real strain on a friendship. Even a lifetime friendship.

A poem I wrote about changing friendships.

I have a friend who doesn't fall into just one friendship category - she actually falls into all three. My friend, Elizabeth. She is a season, reason and lifetime friend.

 I first met Elizabeth in 2008 when I joined a running group. We run at the same speed, so ended up in the same runners pace group.  We are also 'boy moms' who have sons that are approximately the same age. Elizabeth and I used to run many many miles together during marathon training and subsequently completed a lot of road races together. So over the years, we have spent a lot of time talking together. All of my very best running memories are with Elizabeth.

Niagara Falls International Marathon

Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon

The Egg-Nog Jog.

The Santa Shuffle

A race with our boys.

Once I became ill, the terms of our friendship changed. The balance shifted from a mutual 50/50 give and take relationship, to one where I was receiving more than I was able to give.  Now unable to run, I assumed that our friendship would eventually fade and die over time, as it did with most of the others in our running group - since we no longer had a shared interest of running. But I'm happy to say in this case, I was wrong.

The very first time I had to cancel plans at the last minute because of the way I was feeling, this what  Elizabeth did....

Delicious. Thank you. 

She called my husband and told him not to worry about dinner that night, and she then showed up on my doorstep with a cooler and a prepared dinner for my whole family.

She faithfully contacts me to initiate a get together. Often it's a walk, but sometimes it's coffee. And then there are days where we don't really do anything at all.

A walk in the woods.

What used to be our long marathon training runs have now become long walks instead. We walk and we talk.  Elizabeth is a great listener and always helps me to see that although things may seem dark, there is still a brighter side of life. And on the days when life feels overwhelming, she distracts me with her wonderful life stories. Although we can no longer run for miles and miles at a time like we used to in our running days,  Elizabeth never fails to go the extra mile for me. I call her my 'extra mile' friend. She is very special.

There is no way I could repay her for all the little things she's done, but I've often wondered how I could show my appreciation for her. Then yesterday, thanks to VeDA, I knew exactly what I could do....

VeDA has an appreciation award, for family or friends who've extended themselves  and who have really helped someone on their vestibular journey. It's called the OWL award, which means 'One Who Listens'. 

I've decided to nominate Elizabeth, my extra mile friend, for the OWL award. I hope she wins - she really deserves it. 

Also, a shoutout to some other lifetime friends, who've gone the extra mile (and beyond) for me as I've adjusted and learned to live with my vestibular disorder....Nicky, Weny, Katy, Catrina, Taina, and Anna Marie. Thank you.

Do you have a friend, who has gone the extra mile for you? Perhaps you could nominate them for the OWL award?